It has been a pretty laid back kind of week here in the DR. We had no team, so we didn’t have any nightly activities which is nice, but when teams are here it is cool to hang out with them and get to know their stories as well. It was also the last week before the schools 4 week break. Which will be different because now we also have that 4 week break. I am excited for it but at the same time I am going to miss seeing those kids' faces everyday!
This got me thinking that what if this was it? What if this was the last time I would see these kids? What if I was going home right now? It seemed so much like that on Friday when we were waiving good bye to the guagua (the bus). I wanted to get every last wave in that I could as it drove away from the school. But then I knew in the back of my mind that I will see them all again in just a few weeks, it's not forever. But what about in August it could be forever then, am I ready for that? Absolutely not. Do I want to be ready for that? Absolutely not. In all reality it will be here far faster than I want it to, and this was a good reality cheek.
As we are nearing kind of our half way mark here I have been asking myself questions and people have been asking questions of me as well. To most of them the answer is, "I don’t know", or "maybe", two of my least favorite words or phrases to have to answer with but seem to be the norm for me these days. Which is not entirely a bad thing just me dealing with patience issues. This is something that I am working on. I would consider myself a pretty patient person, but when it comes to time or getting things done I guess I am not so much.
So a major question is "Do you think you could come back here?", and the answer to that is always yes I could see my self coming back here, I LOVE it here, but that is me. God could totally have different plans and that’s okay with me. I have come to trust Him with what He has in store for me in the next years and where ever that may lead. If it is coming back sooner than I thought or a few years down the road or not at all, its all in His hands.
"What is it that you have learned so far being here in the DR?" Another great question that has way to long of an answer, which is also good. I think that for me the biggest thing that I have learned is to listen. Just listen to what He is trying to tell me. To be able to listen comes out a lot of things as well, being in the Word a lot more than I ever was, trusting, being silent, (there is a blog on that one). I don’t know I am just a way different person than I was when I left to come here in January. I like who I have become, to the person God has transformed me to become. Its more of an inside transformation that shines thought to the outside. I mean my personality hasn’t changed... I don’t think... I just look at life a whole lot different, and take things as they come, one day at a time.
"When you go back home what is it that you plan on doing?" Well if it were up to me, which it is not, and depending on when this question was asked, depends on the answer. A few months ago I would have said go back to school, find a great job, move out with my friends by the end of the year, just live life. If you were to ask me that question now I would start it off like I did this paragraph where as before I would have just jumped right in. If it were up to me which its not I might still answer with those things above but that’s not what’s important anymore. Sure I should probably go back to school but I don’t see that happening right away after much prayer and guidance on the subject, and if I find a job great, but God will provide. The just live life part is what will stay the same but with a different out look than it would have been in say January. I want to live the life that God has for me and not make half thought through quick decisions like I have done in the past. God has my life under control, and worrying about stuff defiantly doesn’t get me anywhere.
"Do you miss home at all?" Yeah ok I miss home, but really its not as much as I thought I would, I have even started referring to here as home. My mom asked me this question one night while we were skyping and I answered "no just the people" and she said that counted. So yeah I miss family and friends, and our crazy fun times that we had this past year, but technology makes being away from them like I really am not away at all. I can still talk to them whenever I need or want too and vise versa. My family and friends are great and I defiantly don’t know what I would do without them. So I thank you all for your support and I love you guys!!!
"What do you miss most about home?" This one coincides with the pervious, I miss people and hanging out with them. Then comes things that are just things like milk, stopping at Starbucks anytime that I want to. Although I drink so much more coffee here than I ever did at home. I miss just going to Target and getting whatever I needed or didn’t. Eating out at restaurants. You know all the things that are so readily at your fingertips and take for granted. I miss watching TV kind of or just having it on in the back ground or falling asleep to it. But really all these thing I can do without. I have done without for the last 3 months and it has made me think that maybe where I am home I wont need to have all of these things. I mean they will be there for sure and that will be nice but I don’t need them like I once thought that I did, there are so many more important things in life. It makes you think, yeah?
There are probably a lot more, but these are the top and the ones that I think about all the time. I cant believe that we have past three months of being here. Someday it really does seem like we just got here yesterday, but as I look back at all that we have been able to do here, that first week seems like ages ago. Oh the stories I will have when it comes time to leave this place! Time flies when you are having fun, and I am having the time of my life here. God is so good!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Huh, what? Me?
This past week or since I last bloged, God has thrown some things into my life and shown me some things about myself that are crazy and yet good!
I am realizing now more than ever that, yes I did come here to the DR to serve God and the people here and that yeah maybe while I was here God would show me a little more of who He is and who I am. And yes in the back of my mind I knew that it could be that I would get a lot more out of this experience than I would be able to give, but that wasn’t my main propose for coming here. I heard a call and I followed. Isn’t this what we are all supposed to do? Whether it is to go to a foreign country or somewhere in your own back yard we are called to follow Him and His plan for our lives.
Maybe because I thought that coming here it would be easier to listen and follow and to just walk with Him, but in all honesty it seems harder. I don’t want to seem all holier than thou because I defiantly am not, but being here and completely surrendered to what He wants me to do for His Kingdom it seems harder to listen and to follow and know where He wants me to go next. It is this constant struggle of what I am supposed to do next and where I can see myself and where He sees me.
I have been asked, if it all works out for this couple, to come back in January and tutor their two handicapped children. Huh, what? Me? My first thought and question was what qualifies me to take on that responsibility? The next thought that went through my head in that second was, for sure, I would love to!!, then taking a step back and saying to myself wow that’s like five months after I get home, and then being like well maybe this is why God placed me at Genesis, and I wonder if this is what He has been preparing me for... You can imagine all the things that were going through my head in that second that they asked me to consider and pray with them about all of this. It is a huge commitment and one that yea I can see where that could be an amazing opportunity but is it where God wants me for the next few years? Yeah years. And so I had to take a step back and although I told them that I would be praying that God would lead me to the right decision, it has been surreal to think that this is a possibility for me. For the past week and a half I have been praying about it and talking to some people here and some of you back home and have had a lot of feedback on it. Do I know for sure what is going to happen, absolutely not. Do I still think it is as exiting as when they first mentioned it, yea a little. So I am continuing to pray and ask for guidance because jumping in and saying yes or no is not what I want to do and ultimately not what God wants me to do either. So I ask for you all to pray with me on this and that God would show me the way in this situation.
So along with this amazement of being here in the DR to the place where I know that God called me to be back in August, to the here and now, and what could potentially be a future here, I would defiantly say that it is harder. Back home it was so easy to fill my life with worldly things and take on way to much responsibilities and get caught up in that kind of life, not have enough quiet to really listen to what He was saying to me. I see that now, it didn’t really even cross my mind then that I was doing way to much, but I see that now. And maybe that’s all that He was looking for when He asked this of me. There is so much more to life than just living and following the motions, and yeah I am sure that there will be a time in my life again that I will find myself lost in it all but that I know how to come back and listen, really listen to what God is saying to me. We all have a purpose and I might have found mine for right now but He is always calling us to do His work, we just have to listen to where exactly that is. So I defiantly don’t have it all figured out, and out of all the little voices, mostly my own, that are shouting things to me of places and dreams, there is only One that I have to and need to listen to. It is a constant battle with me but I am seeking His word and sitting in silence with Him, and I know when the time is right He will give me the answers that I seek Him for.
I am realizing now more than ever that, yes I did come here to the DR to serve God and the people here and that yeah maybe while I was here God would show me a little more of who He is and who I am. And yes in the back of my mind I knew that it could be that I would get a lot more out of this experience than I would be able to give, but that wasn’t my main propose for coming here. I heard a call and I followed. Isn’t this what we are all supposed to do? Whether it is to go to a foreign country or somewhere in your own back yard we are called to follow Him and His plan for our lives.
Maybe because I thought that coming here it would be easier to listen and follow and to just walk with Him, but in all honesty it seems harder. I don’t want to seem all holier than thou because I defiantly am not, but being here and completely surrendered to what He wants me to do for His Kingdom it seems harder to listen and to follow and know where He wants me to go next. It is this constant struggle of what I am supposed to do next and where I can see myself and where He sees me.
I have been asked, if it all works out for this couple, to come back in January and tutor their two handicapped children. Huh, what? Me? My first thought and question was what qualifies me to take on that responsibility? The next thought that went through my head in that second was, for sure, I would love to!!, then taking a step back and saying to myself wow that’s like five months after I get home, and then being like well maybe this is why God placed me at Genesis, and I wonder if this is what He has been preparing me for... You can imagine all the things that were going through my head in that second that they asked me to consider and pray with them about all of this. It is a huge commitment and one that yea I can see where that could be an amazing opportunity but is it where God wants me for the next few years? Yeah years. And so I had to take a step back and although I told them that I would be praying that God would lead me to the right decision, it has been surreal to think that this is a possibility for me. For the past week and a half I have been praying about it and talking to some people here and some of you back home and have had a lot of feedback on it. Do I know for sure what is going to happen, absolutely not. Do I still think it is as exiting as when they first mentioned it, yea a little. So I am continuing to pray and ask for guidance because jumping in and saying yes or no is not what I want to do and ultimately not what God wants me to do either. So I ask for you all to pray with me on this and that God would show me the way in this situation.
So along with this amazement of being here in the DR to the place where I know that God called me to be back in August, to the here and now, and what could potentially be a future here, I would defiantly say that it is harder. Back home it was so easy to fill my life with worldly things and take on way to much responsibilities and get caught up in that kind of life, not have enough quiet to really listen to what He was saying to me. I see that now, it didn’t really even cross my mind then that I was doing way to much, but I see that now. And maybe that’s all that He was looking for when He asked this of me. There is so much more to life than just living and following the motions, and yeah I am sure that there will be a time in my life again that I will find myself lost in it all but that I know how to come back and listen, really listen to what God is saying to me. We all have a purpose and I might have found mine for right now but He is always calling us to do His work, we just have to listen to where exactly that is. So I defiantly don’t have it all figured out, and out of all the little voices, mostly my own, that are shouting things to me of places and dreams, there is only One that I have to and need to listen to. It is a constant battle with me but I am seeking His word and sitting in silence with Him, and I know when the time is right He will give me the answers that I seek Him for.
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