I cant believe that summer has started already. The last two weeks I have been wondering where the first part of the year went, and then I look back at all my journals and blogs and realize, oh yeah that’s what I did and what I was feeling and where God has been leading me. It really has been a journey that I will never forget and one that will have changed who I am for a life time.
Our first summer group was really awesome! I had four occupational therapy students working with me and I have never seen so much progress in those kids in just two short weeks! They taught me so much about what OT really is and skills that I can use for the rest of the summer, I am so excited about that! These kids mean so much to me and seeing even just a little progress makes my day.
As a whole I think that I am doing really good right now. There are some things that I am struggling with and trying not to think about to much, like the fact that there are only nine more weeks left. Being here has become such a huge part of my life. it’s a place where I have fallen in love with the culture and people and thinking about leaving has my heart in this weird place. I want to enjoy the time that I have left here and not be thinking about this, and take in everyday and let God show me more of Him. Its also a very busy summer. There are very few days that we get off and that doesn’t really bother me, I like to keep busy, and doing the work that I am doing here is exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now and I enjoy it. Last night we had just a worship night around a campfire, and it is things like that where God continues to amaze me and surprise me with His love and grace and beauty.
I think what it really is, is that I am on this high-low right now, where God is so much present in my life and seeing the changes that He is making in me, but there is this thing in the back of my mind that might be fear. Kind of a fear of the unknown, of what is going to happen in August, when I go home, fear of going home, of not giving it my all these next couple of months. I know that this has been there since the beginning but it is just coming out in full force for some reason these past few weeks. I know that God has it all under control and there is no need for me to fear about what is going to happen. It will happen and it will be Gods plan. What is really funny is that each of us interns have been assigned a word to do a little three minute message on, and mine is "fear". I really did want to study this, maybe mostly in the beginning so that I don’t mess it up when I actually have to give this message, but there were some passages that really convicted me. I really have to check myself and completely trust God. All in all it is a trust issue.
I know that it is going to be a great summer. I mean how can it not be with all the wonderful people God has put in my life right now. Yep that would be you interns and volunteers, Vicki and Josh, and many more! So I am going into this next week with a new attitude I have decided. I mean there will always be the fact that I am going home in August but I don’t want to miss something here that God is trying to teach me because I am fearful of the future and everything else. Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Here We Go!!!!
What a week and a half it has been. I want to document this week and all that went on because it was such a huge week. I am reminded of a quote from the oldest man that goes a little something like this, "Embrace change even when it slaps you in the face."
That being said, it was such a high coming off the retreat weekend that I really wasn't thinking about all the changes that were going to happen in the week to come. I knew it was all coming and I thought that I was ready for it all but wow what a change. Monday night Jeff moved out of the "intern house", and with his suitcase all packed up and rolled out to the living area it looked like he was leaving forever. I know, that is really dramatic, but it was a change that I didn’t see happening until it was happening. The next three nights were good for me, all be it different, but it really gave me a chance to pray and think over all that I had gained from over the weekend and helped confirm some things that I had been thinking about. God has a crazy way of working those things out. There are also some new ideas running around in my head that could be a good, we will see. More to come on that.
Thursday the other interns arrived! I was so happy to see B, apparently I could not stop smiling. We have all been having so much fun, I can really tell that we are going to be getting along really well! I am rooming with Ariana and Meghan, in the other room there is B and Rachael and Erin, and Kelly. For the guys there are Jessie and Chris and Myles who is a volunteer with Jeff and Angie! It is defiantly going to be a summer to remember. We have already had to many laughs to count, including game night with nothing else but telephone charades.
We have also had our first summer team here. Our group at Genesis is amazing. I get the chance to work with some occupational therapists and they are teaching me so much about it and I can see that we can defiantly make some progress with these amazing kids this summer. I am totally pumped for it! I know I have said this before but I have fallen in love with the school and the kids and cant imagine doing anything else right now. God has put me here for a purpose and I fell like I am finally getting it.
Along with all of these amazing things going on and amazing people that are here, I have been struggling a little with it. I stated off with a quote about embracing change, but I really do a horrible job at that. I miss the quiet but at the same time I am really excited that everyone is here. There also seems like so much more to do which there really isn’t just teams from here on out. Its like a battle going on in my head and heart that has got me all confused. Through it all though God has just been showing me more about myself and its been good. There are always ups and downs and sideways and all around but God will be there for it all.
Moving forward... Here we go!!! This summer is going to be the best one of our lives.
That being said, it was such a high coming off the retreat weekend that I really wasn't thinking about all the changes that were going to happen in the week to come. I knew it was all coming and I thought that I was ready for it all but wow what a change. Monday night Jeff moved out of the "intern house", and with his suitcase all packed up and rolled out to the living area it looked like he was leaving forever. I know, that is really dramatic, but it was a change that I didn’t see happening until it was happening. The next three nights were good for me, all be it different, but it really gave me a chance to pray and think over all that I had gained from over the weekend and helped confirm some things that I had been thinking about. God has a crazy way of working those things out. There are also some new ideas running around in my head that could be a good, we will see. More to come on that.
Thursday the other interns arrived! I was so happy to see B, apparently I could not stop smiling. We have all been having so much fun, I can really tell that we are going to be getting along really well! I am rooming with Ariana and Meghan, in the other room there is B and Rachael and Erin, and Kelly. For the guys there are Jessie and Chris and Myles who is a volunteer with Jeff and Angie! It is defiantly going to be a summer to remember. We have already had to many laughs to count, including game night with nothing else but telephone charades.
We have also had our first summer team here. Our group at Genesis is amazing. I get the chance to work with some occupational therapists and they are teaching me so much about it and I can see that we can defiantly make some progress with these amazing kids this summer. I am totally pumped for it! I know I have said this before but I have fallen in love with the school and the kids and cant imagine doing anything else right now. God has put me here for a purpose and I fell like I am finally getting it.
Along with all of these amazing things going on and amazing people that are here, I have been struggling a little with it. I stated off with a quote about embracing change, but I really do a horrible job at that. I miss the quiet but at the same time I am really excited that everyone is here. There also seems like so much more to do which there really isn’t just teams from here on out. Its like a battle going on in my head and heart that has got me all confused. Through it all though God has just been showing me more about myself and its been good. There are always ups and downs and sideways and all around but God will be there for it all.
Moving forward... Here we go!!! This summer is going to be the best one of our lives.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
My Mission
This weekend we are (were) on a staff retreat. To tell you the truth I was not entirely looking forward to it, because I was basing my opinions solely on what was being said about the place itself and not about what we were going to be doing there, for some reason. Ummm, so I was wrong. I am going to try to tie all of this together so bear with me if it seems like I am going off in another direction than what I previously started with. I have been reading in a book that I want to reflect on and of course share a little about what this weekend was like for me as well.
The book that I am reading through right now is called “The Organic God” by Margaret Feinberg. I must confess that I have had this book sitting on a shelf at home for the past five years, and I brought it here thinking that I might have time to read some books maybe even this one. I cant help but think that it was not by accident. Even thought it has a really simple and “I have heard that before” theme it so far has been just what I needed to hear. Its all about falling in love with God again and strengthening your relationship with Him in an “organic“ way.
A couple chapters into the book I found myself really taking a look at myself, and realizing that this past month I have felt a little lost and unsure sometimes. And then this verse, Isaiah 43:1-3 “But now, this is what the Lord says, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” I underlined three words in this because they are the three words that speak out the loudest to me and mean so much. Through everything that I might be going through, He is still always there, He is still God, He is still Father, Abba, it’s a promise, “you are mine”. This is such a comfort for me to think about and to know that I am His. I cant leave out also that this reminded me of a song that B, a very good friend of mine, and I wrote this past summer. No kidding the song is called “You Are Mine”. The chores goes a little like this if I can remember it all correctly, “I’m here waiting, your done breaking, I’m shining out my light. And I will never, leave you to wonder, bended knee come to me, you are mine.” It has a whole new meaning to me. When we were sitting in the park writing this it was just cool and we were having fun with it, but now I can see the true meaning behind it and, wow. He whispers just three words and an overwhelming peace comes over me.
I would defiantly say that coming here to the Dominican Republic has changed me, in more ways than I probably know right now. Yes, I have been forced out of my box in a sense, and have had to give some things up that really in all reality we could all do without, and have been able to focus on God and me. My relationship with Him. And by doing that have been able to see, so much clearer than before, His teachings, and what He has for me. I am learning so much about who God is and with Him learning so much about myself. I know that without Him everything that I am doing here would not be. I know that I have a purpose here and I came here to follow Him in that.
Our speaker this weekend pastor Don had this to say Friday night. “Jesus didn’t die to keep you safe, Jesus died to make you dangerous!” This might seem strange, not going to lie, with his heavy southern accent, I thought, this guy, ummmm ok. But there is a point behind it, and might be one that you have heard before but not quite in this way. So that box that I have been forced out of…well that is just one box, I find that there are many we can put ourselves in. So I have also put myself in a “missionary box” and have classified myself, if even being short term, as such. That might be what I am doing right now, this is what God has called me to do right now, but I am still Christine… I am, in the words from above, “His” called to do one thing, follow Him. Matthew 19:16-30 tells of the story of the rich young man, and when he asked “What do I still lack?” Jesus gave the answer “Sell everything and follow me”. Sound easy enough, yes? I think that even more so now than then it is difficult to say the least. I can say that I defiantly try, but find myself falling at every corner, getting lost, unfocused. I lose some of my dangerousness that is, living for God in a way that makes us “dangerous“, exciting, different! Living a life focused on one thing, and that is to bring people to the kingdom.
I think for me this past month I was lacking motivation and forgetting the reason why I had come here. I mean not completely but I was just in one of these places where I don’t know where to go next and it was getting me down. This weekend I just felt God so much, His Spirit just filling me again in a way that I have not had in a while. The worship was fantastic, the messages right on, and the community great. None of these things by themselves had anything to do with it but together and what God did through them just lifted my soul up. I feel so motivated, refreshed, reconnected, refocused and ready to be a leader this summer. Its My Mission.
I want to ask this question, and I may be taking it out of the book that I am reading, but I really like it and her answer was really close to what mine was. So the question is “What do you love about Jesus?” Take a minute think about it.
For me its God’s beauty. And it goes much deeper than this world that He has created for us. I do love to look at beautiful sunset on the beach and it more often than not makes me thank God for all the beauty that He has given us, but its deeper. Its His Love for us, His healing for us, its all of Him. He is the beauty we find when we get to know Him better. By getting to know the creator we get to see the beauty of this world that He has created for us. Its awesome! Its like seeing things in a whole new way. I love this quote form the book, “He reveals what is ultimately beautiful in a way we could never imagine, and in the process we reflect a little more beauty ourselves, thus drawing others to him.” I don’t know about you but this is what I want to reflect! This mission that I am on, this is what its all about. This is what God had in store for me all along.
The book that I am reading through right now is called “The Organic God” by Margaret Feinberg. I must confess that I have had this book sitting on a shelf at home for the past five years, and I brought it here thinking that I might have time to read some books maybe even this one. I cant help but think that it was not by accident. Even thought it has a really simple and “I have heard that before” theme it so far has been just what I needed to hear. Its all about falling in love with God again and strengthening your relationship with Him in an “organic“ way.
A couple chapters into the book I found myself really taking a look at myself, and realizing that this past month I have felt a little lost and unsure sometimes. And then this verse, Isaiah 43:1-3 “But now, this is what the Lord says, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” I underlined three words in this because they are the three words that speak out the loudest to me and mean so much. Through everything that I might be going through, He is still always there, He is still God, He is still Father, Abba, it’s a promise, “you are mine”. This is such a comfort for me to think about and to know that I am His. I cant leave out also that this reminded me of a song that B, a very good friend of mine, and I wrote this past summer. No kidding the song is called “You Are Mine”. The chores goes a little like this if I can remember it all correctly, “I’m here waiting, your done breaking, I’m shining out my light. And I will never, leave you to wonder, bended knee come to me, you are mine.” It has a whole new meaning to me. When we were sitting in the park writing this it was just cool and we were having fun with it, but now I can see the true meaning behind it and, wow. He whispers just three words and an overwhelming peace comes over me.
I would defiantly say that coming here to the Dominican Republic has changed me, in more ways than I probably know right now. Yes, I have been forced out of my box in a sense, and have had to give some things up that really in all reality we could all do without, and have been able to focus on God and me. My relationship with Him. And by doing that have been able to see, so much clearer than before, His teachings, and what He has for me. I am learning so much about who God is and with Him learning so much about myself. I know that without Him everything that I am doing here would not be. I know that I have a purpose here and I came here to follow Him in that.
Our speaker this weekend pastor Don had this to say Friday night. “Jesus didn’t die to keep you safe, Jesus died to make you dangerous!” This might seem strange, not going to lie, with his heavy southern accent, I thought, this guy, ummmm ok. But there is a point behind it, and might be one that you have heard before but not quite in this way. So that box that I have been forced out of…well that is just one box, I find that there are many we can put ourselves in. So I have also put myself in a “missionary box” and have classified myself, if even being short term, as such. That might be what I am doing right now, this is what God has called me to do right now, but I am still Christine… I am, in the words from above, “His” called to do one thing, follow Him. Matthew 19:16-30 tells of the story of the rich young man, and when he asked “What do I still lack?” Jesus gave the answer “Sell everything and follow me”. Sound easy enough, yes? I think that even more so now than then it is difficult to say the least. I can say that I defiantly try, but find myself falling at every corner, getting lost, unfocused. I lose some of my dangerousness that is, living for God in a way that makes us “dangerous“, exciting, different! Living a life focused on one thing, and that is to bring people to the kingdom.
I think for me this past month I was lacking motivation and forgetting the reason why I had come here. I mean not completely but I was just in one of these places where I don’t know where to go next and it was getting me down. This weekend I just felt God so much, His Spirit just filling me again in a way that I have not had in a while. The worship was fantastic, the messages right on, and the community great. None of these things by themselves had anything to do with it but together and what God did through them just lifted my soul up. I feel so motivated, refreshed, reconnected, refocused and ready to be a leader this summer. Its My Mission.
I want to ask this question, and I may be taking it out of the book that I am reading, but I really like it and her answer was really close to what mine was. So the question is “What do you love about Jesus?” Take a minute think about it.
For me its God’s beauty. And it goes much deeper than this world that He has created for us. I do love to look at beautiful sunset on the beach and it more often than not makes me thank God for all the beauty that He has given us, but its deeper. Its His Love for us, His healing for us, its all of Him. He is the beauty we find when we get to know Him better. By getting to know the creator we get to see the beauty of this world that He has created for us. Its awesome! Its like seeing things in a whole new way. I love this quote form the book, “He reveals what is ultimately beautiful in a way we could never imagine, and in the process we reflect a little more beauty ourselves, thus drawing others to him.” I don’t know about you but this is what I want to reflect! This mission that I am on, this is what its all about. This is what God had in store for me all along.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Change...
The past couple of weeks have been a little different for me. Genesis is on a trimester system and so we have been out of school now for two and a half weeks, and have a week and a half left. The first week we had a team, and since none of the preschools were open we held VBS in each of them one day that week. The second week started out with a nice relaxing trip to a beach resort, which was fabulous! I have also spent a couple of days up in Los Higos helping Heidy with the woman’s social work site.
I say that the past few weeks have been different in what I have been doing for sure, but also in the way that God has been challenging me and reveling Himself to me. I have become comfortable working at Genesis. Not to say that this is a bad thing because I wouldn't, but I know my job there and I have gotten to know the kids really well and have fallen in love with them. I was in a routine, and when that routine broke, I found myself taking a look at everything that was around me and finding that I had been missing something.
During our week of VBS, God showed me something of what He wants me to be doing. I have never thought of ever being a teacher, but this week I found myself really liking the idea. Ok so I cant say I have never thought of being a teacher, I could never see myself doing it in the states and because of that I never thought about preschool... And while I was working with all of these other cute little kids I was really thinking that I really missed the kids at Genesis. Being at Genesis the past few months has really been an eye opening experience for me but God knew that I would need to get out of the routine for a while and discover possibly what He has in store for me through my experience there. So I have had sort of a revelation you could say. Thoughts of possibly teaching special needs children and or preschool age kids.
I feel like this direction that God is setting me on finally makes sense. I have been reading through the New Testament, specifically Paul’s letters and really taking from it what it means to be a true disciple and follower. There is such encouragement in Paul’s letters and I find myself seeking it out all the time. As has been the norm for these past few months there has been a million things on my mind. Some of them I have found that God has given me peace about and others still I am seeking guidance. I have given it all over to Him, and know that in the right time He will guide me in His direction, as He has done so far.
A verse comes to mind, Isaiah 41:9-10 "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant,' I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you with my righteous hand." I am called to follow Christ to the ends of the earth. I don’t need to fear anything because He will be there for me always. God's plan is so much bigger than mine. I have been finding myself slowly letting go and holding tight to what God has promised me.
So change… not really one of my most preferred aspects to life but one that I am beginning to become more comfortable with the more that I seek Christ in all that I do, and fully commit to be the chosen daughter that He has meant for me to be all along.
I say that the past few weeks have been different in what I have been doing for sure, but also in the way that God has been challenging me and reveling Himself to me. I have become comfortable working at Genesis. Not to say that this is a bad thing because I wouldn't, but I know my job there and I have gotten to know the kids really well and have fallen in love with them. I was in a routine, and when that routine broke, I found myself taking a look at everything that was around me and finding that I had been missing something.
During our week of VBS, God showed me something of what He wants me to be doing. I have never thought of ever being a teacher, but this week I found myself really liking the idea. Ok so I cant say I have never thought of being a teacher, I could never see myself doing it in the states and because of that I never thought about preschool... And while I was working with all of these other cute little kids I was really thinking that I really missed the kids at Genesis. Being at Genesis the past few months has really been an eye opening experience for me but God knew that I would need to get out of the routine for a while and discover possibly what He has in store for me through my experience there. So I have had sort of a revelation you could say. Thoughts of possibly teaching special needs children and or preschool age kids.
I feel like this direction that God is setting me on finally makes sense. I have been reading through the New Testament, specifically Paul’s letters and really taking from it what it means to be a true disciple and follower. There is such encouragement in Paul’s letters and I find myself seeking it out all the time. As has been the norm for these past few months there has been a million things on my mind. Some of them I have found that God has given me peace about and others still I am seeking guidance. I have given it all over to Him, and know that in the right time He will guide me in His direction, as He has done so far.
A verse comes to mind, Isaiah 41:9-10 "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant,' I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you with my righteous hand." I am called to follow Christ to the ends of the earth. I don’t need to fear anything because He will be there for me always. God's plan is so much bigger than mine. I have been finding myself slowly letting go and holding tight to what God has promised me.
So change… not really one of my most preferred aspects to life but one that I am beginning to become more comfortable with the more that I seek Christ in all that I do, and fully commit to be the chosen daughter that He has meant for me to be all along.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Asking Questions
It has been a pretty laid back kind of week here in the DR. We had no team, so we didn’t have any nightly activities which is nice, but when teams are here it is cool to hang out with them and get to know their stories as well. It was also the last week before the schools 4 week break. Which will be different because now we also have that 4 week break. I am excited for it but at the same time I am going to miss seeing those kids' faces everyday!
This got me thinking that what if this was it? What if this was the last time I would see these kids? What if I was going home right now? It seemed so much like that on Friday when we were waiving good bye to the guagua (the bus). I wanted to get every last wave in that I could as it drove away from the school. But then I knew in the back of my mind that I will see them all again in just a few weeks, it's not forever. But what about in August it could be forever then, am I ready for that? Absolutely not. Do I want to be ready for that? Absolutely not. In all reality it will be here far faster than I want it to, and this was a good reality cheek.
As we are nearing kind of our half way mark here I have been asking myself questions and people have been asking questions of me as well. To most of them the answer is, "I don’t know", or "maybe", two of my least favorite words or phrases to have to answer with but seem to be the norm for me these days. Which is not entirely a bad thing just me dealing with patience issues. This is something that I am working on. I would consider myself a pretty patient person, but when it comes to time or getting things done I guess I am not so much.
So a major question is "Do you think you could come back here?", and the answer to that is always yes I could see my self coming back here, I LOVE it here, but that is me. God could totally have different plans and that’s okay with me. I have come to trust Him with what He has in store for me in the next years and where ever that may lead. If it is coming back sooner than I thought or a few years down the road or not at all, its all in His hands.
"What is it that you have learned so far being here in the DR?" Another great question that has way to long of an answer, which is also good. I think that for me the biggest thing that I have learned is to listen. Just listen to what He is trying to tell me. To be able to listen comes out a lot of things as well, being in the Word a lot more than I ever was, trusting, being silent, (there is a blog on that one). I don’t know I am just a way different person than I was when I left to come here in January. I like who I have become, to the person God has transformed me to become. Its more of an inside transformation that shines thought to the outside. I mean my personality hasn’t changed... I don’t think... I just look at life a whole lot different, and take things as they come, one day at a time.
"When you go back home what is it that you plan on doing?" Well if it were up to me, which it is not, and depending on when this question was asked, depends on the answer. A few months ago I would have said go back to school, find a great job, move out with my friends by the end of the year, just live life. If you were to ask me that question now I would start it off like I did this paragraph where as before I would have just jumped right in. If it were up to me which its not I might still answer with those things above but that’s not what’s important anymore. Sure I should probably go back to school but I don’t see that happening right away after much prayer and guidance on the subject, and if I find a job great, but God will provide. The just live life part is what will stay the same but with a different out look than it would have been in say January. I want to live the life that God has for me and not make half thought through quick decisions like I have done in the past. God has my life under control, and worrying about stuff defiantly doesn’t get me anywhere.
"Do you miss home at all?" Yeah ok I miss home, but really its not as much as I thought I would, I have even started referring to here as home. My mom asked me this question one night while we were skyping and I answered "no just the people" and she said that counted. So yeah I miss family and friends, and our crazy fun times that we had this past year, but technology makes being away from them like I really am not away at all. I can still talk to them whenever I need or want too and vise versa. My family and friends are great and I defiantly don’t know what I would do without them. So I thank you all for your support and I love you guys!!!
"What do you miss most about home?" This one coincides with the pervious, I miss people and hanging out with them. Then comes things that are just things like milk, stopping at Starbucks anytime that I want to. Although I drink so much more coffee here than I ever did at home. I miss just going to Target and getting whatever I needed or didn’t. Eating out at restaurants. You know all the things that are so readily at your fingertips and take for granted. I miss watching TV kind of or just having it on in the back ground or falling asleep to it. But really all these thing I can do without. I have done without for the last 3 months and it has made me think that maybe where I am home I wont need to have all of these things. I mean they will be there for sure and that will be nice but I don’t need them like I once thought that I did, there are so many more important things in life. It makes you think, yeah?
There are probably a lot more, but these are the top and the ones that I think about all the time. I cant believe that we have past three months of being here. Someday it really does seem like we just got here yesterday, but as I look back at all that we have been able to do here, that first week seems like ages ago. Oh the stories I will have when it comes time to leave this place! Time flies when you are having fun, and I am having the time of my life here. God is so good!
This got me thinking that what if this was it? What if this was the last time I would see these kids? What if I was going home right now? It seemed so much like that on Friday when we were waiving good bye to the guagua (the bus). I wanted to get every last wave in that I could as it drove away from the school. But then I knew in the back of my mind that I will see them all again in just a few weeks, it's not forever. But what about in August it could be forever then, am I ready for that? Absolutely not. Do I want to be ready for that? Absolutely not. In all reality it will be here far faster than I want it to, and this was a good reality cheek.
As we are nearing kind of our half way mark here I have been asking myself questions and people have been asking questions of me as well. To most of them the answer is, "I don’t know", or "maybe", two of my least favorite words or phrases to have to answer with but seem to be the norm for me these days. Which is not entirely a bad thing just me dealing with patience issues. This is something that I am working on. I would consider myself a pretty patient person, but when it comes to time or getting things done I guess I am not so much.
So a major question is "Do you think you could come back here?", and the answer to that is always yes I could see my self coming back here, I LOVE it here, but that is me. God could totally have different plans and that’s okay with me. I have come to trust Him with what He has in store for me in the next years and where ever that may lead. If it is coming back sooner than I thought or a few years down the road or not at all, its all in His hands.
"What is it that you have learned so far being here in the DR?" Another great question that has way to long of an answer, which is also good. I think that for me the biggest thing that I have learned is to listen. Just listen to what He is trying to tell me. To be able to listen comes out a lot of things as well, being in the Word a lot more than I ever was, trusting, being silent, (there is a blog on that one). I don’t know I am just a way different person than I was when I left to come here in January. I like who I have become, to the person God has transformed me to become. Its more of an inside transformation that shines thought to the outside. I mean my personality hasn’t changed... I don’t think... I just look at life a whole lot different, and take things as they come, one day at a time.
"When you go back home what is it that you plan on doing?" Well if it were up to me, which it is not, and depending on when this question was asked, depends on the answer. A few months ago I would have said go back to school, find a great job, move out with my friends by the end of the year, just live life. If you were to ask me that question now I would start it off like I did this paragraph where as before I would have just jumped right in. If it were up to me which its not I might still answer with those things above but that’s not what’s important anymore. Sure I should probably go back to school but I don’t see that happening right away after much prayer and guidance on the subject, and if I find a job great, but God will provide. The just live life part is what will stay the same but with a different out look than it would have been in say January. I want to live the life that God has for me and not make half thought through quick decisions like I have done in the past. God has my life under control, and worrying about stuff defiantly doesn’t get me anywhere.
"Do you miss home at all?" Yeah ok I miss home, but really its not as much as I thought I would, I have even started referring to here as home. My mom asked me this question one night while we were skyping and I answered "no just the people" and she said that counted. So yeah I miss family and friends, and our crazy fun times that we had this past year, but technology makes being away from them like I really am not away at all. I can still talk to them whenever I need or want too and vise versa. My family and friends are great and I defiantly don’t know what I would do without them. So I thank you all for your support and I love you guys!!!
"What do you miss most about home?" This one coincides with the pervious, I miss people and hanging out with them. Then comes things that are just things like milk, stopping at Starbucks anytime that I want to. Although I drink so much more coffee here than I ever did at home. I miss just going to Target and getting whatever I needed or didn’t. Eating out at restaurants. You know all the things that are so readily at your fingertips and take for granted. I miss watching TV kind of or just having it on in the back ground or falling asleep to it. But really all these thing I can do without. I have done without for the last 3 months and it has made me think that maybe where I am home I wont need to have all of these things. I mean they will be there for sure and that will be nice but I don’t need them like I once thought that I did, there are so many more important things in life. It makes you think, yeah?
There are probably a lot more, but these are the top and the ones that I think about all the time. I cant believe that we have past three months of being here. Someday it really does seem like we just got here yesterday, but as I look back at all that we have been able to do here, that first week seems like ages ago. Oh the stories I will have when it comes time to leave this place! Time flies when you are having fun, and I am having the time of my life here. God is so good!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Huh, what? Me?
This past week or since I last bloged, God has thrown some things into my life and shown me some things about myself that are crazy and yet good!
I am realizing now more than ever that, yes I did come here to the DR to serve God and the people here and that yeah maybe while I was here God would show me a little more of who He is and who I am. And yes in the back of my mind I knew that it could be that I would get a lot more out of this experience than I would be able to give, but that wasn’t my main propose for coming here. I heard a call and I followed. Isn’t this what we are all supposed to do? Whether it is to go to a foreign country or somewhere in your own back yard we are called to follow Him and His plan for our lives.
Maybe because I thought that coming here it would be easier to listen and follow and to just walk with Him, but in all honesty it seems harder. I don’t want to seem all holier than thou because I defiantly am not, but being here and completely surrendered to what He wants me to do for His Kingdom it seems harder to listen and to follow and know where He wants me to go next. It is this constant struggle of what I am supposed to do next and where I can see myself and where He sees me.
I have been asked, if it all works out for this couple, to come back in January and tutor their two handicapped children. Huh, what? Me? My first thought and question was what qualifies me to take on that responsibility? The next thought that went through my head in that second was, for sure, I would love to!!, then taking a step back and saying to myself wow that’s like five months after I get home, and then being like well maybe this is why God placed me at Genesis, and I wonder if this is what He has been preparing me for... You can imagine all the things that were going through my head in that second that they asked me to consider and pray with them about all of this. It is a huge commitment and one that yea I can see where that could be an amazing opportunity but is it where God wants me for the next few years? Yeah years. And so I had to take a step back and although I told them that I would be praying that God would lead me to the right decision, it has been surreal to think that this is a possibility for me. For the past week and a half I have been praying about it and talking to some people here and some of you back home and have had a lot of feedback on it. Do I know for sure what is going to happen, absolutely not. Do I still think it is as exiting as when they first mentioned it, yea a little. So I am continuing to pray and ask for guidance because jumping in and saying yes or no is not what I want to do and ultimately not what God wants me to do either. So I ask for you all to pray with me on this and that God would show me the way in this situation.
So along with this amazement of being here in the DR to the place where I know that God called me to be back in August, to the here and now, and what could potentially be a future here, I would defiantly say that it is harder. Back home it was so easy to fill my life with worldly things and take on way to much responsibilities and get caught up in that kind of life, not have enough quiet to really listen to what He was saying to me. I see that now, it didn’t really even cross my mind then that I was doing way to much, but I see that now. And maybe that’s all that He was looking for when He asked this of me. There is so much more to life than just living and following the motions, and yeah I am sure that there will be a time in my life again that I will find myself lost in it all but that I know how to come back and listen, really listen to what God is saying to me. We all have a purpose and I might have found mine for right now but He is always calling us to do His work, we just have to listen to where exactly that is. So I defiantly don’t have it all figured out, and out of all the little voices, mostly my own, that are shouting things to me of places and dreams, there is only One that I have to and need to listen to. It is a constant battle with me but I am seeking His word and sitting in silence with Him, and I know when the time is right He will give me the answers that I seek Him for.
I am realizing now more than ever that, yes I did come here to the DR to serve God and the people here and that yeah maybe while I was here God would show me a little more of who He is and who I am. And yes in the back of my mind I knew that it could be that I would get a lot more out of this experience than I would be able to give, but that wasn’t my main propose for coming here. I heard a call and I followed. Isn’t this what we are all supposed to do? Whether it is to go to a foreign country or somewhere in your own back yard we are called to follow Him and His plan for our lives.
Maybe because I thought that coming here it would be easier to listen and follow and to just walk with Him, but in all honesty it seems harder. I don’t want to seem all holier than thou because I defiantly am not, but being here and completely surrendered to what He wants me to do for His Kingdom it seems harder to listen and to follow and know where He wants me to go next. It is this constant struggle of what I am supposed to do next and where I can see myself and where He sees me.
I have been asked, if it all works out for this couple, to come back in January and tutor their two handicapped children. Huh, what? Me? My first thought and question was what qualifies me to take on that responsibility? The next thought that went through my head in that second was, for sure, I would love to!!, then taking a step back and saying to myself wow that’s like five months after I get home, and then being like well maybe this is why God placed me at Genesis, and I wonder if this is what He has been preparing me for... You can imagine all the things that were going through my head in that second that they asked me to consider and pray with them about all of this. It is a huge commitment and one that yea I can see where that could be an amazing opportunity but is it where God wants me for the next few years? Yeah years. And so I had to take a step back and although I told them that I would be praying that God would lead me to the right decision, it has been surreal to think that this is a possibility for me. For the past week and a half I have been praying about it and talking to some people here and some of you back home and have had a lot of feedback on it. Do I know for sure what is going to happen, absolutely not. Do I still think it is as exiting as when they first mentioned it, yea a little. So I am continuing to pray and ask for guidance because jumping in and saying yes or no is not what I want to do and ultimately not what God wants me to do either. So I ask for you all to pray with me on this and that God would show me the way in this situation.
So along with this amazement of being here in the DR to the place where I know that God called me to be back in August, to the here and now, and what could potentially be a future here, I would defiantly say that it is harder. Back home it was so easy to fill my life with worldly things and take on way to much responsibilities and get caught up in that kind of life, not have enough quiet to really listen to what He was saying to me. I see that now, it didn’t really even cross my mind then that I was doing way to much, but I see that now. And maybe that’s all that He was looking for when He asked this of me. There is so much more to life than just living and following the motions, and yeah I am sure that there will be a time in my life again that I will find myself lost in it all but that I know how to come back and listen, really listen to what God is saying to me. We all have a purpose and I might have found mine for right now but He is always calling us to do His work, we just have to listen to where exactly that is. So I defiantly don’t have it all figured out, and out of all the little voices, mostly my own, that are shouting things to me of places and dreams, there is only One that I have to and need to listen to. It is a constant battle with me but I am seeking His word and sitting in silence with Him, and I know when the time is right He will give me the answers that I seek Him for.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sitting in Amazement
So I have been praying and thinking a lot... a lot about life and where I see God leading me in the next few years possibly and its kind of scary not going to lie, because where I am seeing Him leading me at this moment, I know it is a really, really big possibility! When I came down here in January I thought that this would be a good place for me to find more of myself, the person, the woman that God wants me to be, and in that finding a deeper relationship with Christ. I wanted to take all that God shows me here back home and apply that to school and work and all of these things that I thought I was going to do when I have to go home in August...
I am a huge day dreamer, something to know about me, so I sit and dream about what my life would look like a few years down the road, married, kids, maybe a great job, you know, "life". For a few months now maybe even before I left home God has been showing me that, yes, those are all possibilities for the life He has for me but what about this as well? And so all the plans that "I" had when coming here to reach the dreams that "I" have all seem to be less important. Since coming here like, almost instantaneously it seems God has put on my heart new dreams and plans for my life and I cant help but "day dream" about what life could be like living here in the DR, or another mission field. Although its not really a dream right now with me living here, it sometimes seems like it. I sit on the couch, like I am doing right now, and look out the front door and think to myself, umm yea I am in a different country right now, crazy! It has defiantly been an eye opening experience so far! God has shown me what life could be like here and the work that I am doing, never would have thought that, and I LOVE it! It has only been a few months, we still have a ways to go!
Going home in August is going to look a lot different than what I thought it would in the beginning. And that’s ok I am good with that because I know that for now that is what God wants me to do. Not that I am already thinking about going home because I defiantly don’t want to think about that, but small steps in the direction of my life are being taken and they are all taken from the moments that He is giving me here and looking at what the future might hold.
So I guess I am just sitting here in amazement at all that He is doing and will continue to do in my life. Yea amazement is the word for my life right now! I will continue to soak it all in and soak Him and what He has yet to show me in too! And as I say this it starts raining! Yep! Gods will is so much bigger than mine, I guess I always knew that but never really saw it and its not just the big things its in all the little things as well!
I am a huge day dreamer, something to know about me, so I sit and dream about what my life would look like a few years down the road, married, kids, maybe a great job, you know, "life". For a few months now maybe even before I left home God has been showing me that, yes, those are all possibilities for the life He has for me but what about this as well? And so all the plans that "I" had when coming here to reach the dreams that "I" have all seem to be less important. Since coming here like, almost instantaneously it seems God has put on my heart new dreams and plans for my life and I cant help but "day dream" about what life could be like living here in the DR, or another mission field. Although its not really a dream right now with me living here, it sometimes seems like it. I sit on the couch, like I am doing right now, and look out the front door and think to myself, umm yea I am in a different country right now, crazy! It has defiantly been an eye opening experience so far! God has shown me what life could be like here and the work that I am doing, never would have thought that, and I LOVE it! It has only been a few months, we still have a ways to go!
Going home in August is going to look a lot different than what I thought it would in the beginning. And that’s ok I am good with that because I know that for now that is what God wants me to do. Not that I am already thinking about going home because I defiantly don’t want to think about that, but small steps in the direction of my life are being taken and they are all taken from the moments that He is giving me here and looking at what the future might hold.
So I guess I am just sitting here in amazement at all that He is doing and will continue to do in my life. Yea amazement is the word for my life right now! I will continue to soak it all in and soak Him and what He has yet to show me in too! And as I say this it starts raining! Yep! Gods will is so much bigger than mine, I guess I always knew that but never really saw it and its not just the big things its in all the little things as well!
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